


Without You

by mggislife2789



Category: Criminal Minds, Spencer Reid - Fandom
Genre: F/M, Reader Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-08
Updated: 2016-11-08
Packaged: 2018-08-29 19:49:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8503084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mggislife2789/pseuds/mggislife2789
Summary: After Spencer's pregnant wife is killed in front of him, will the baby be able to be saved? And if the baby lives, will Spencer come to resent to child that lives without its mother?Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters or their original stories. This is only for fun. It's where my brain goes after the credits roll. No copyright intended. Better safe than sorry. ;)





	

“Let me take her place,” Spencer begged, his life flashing before his eyes as the woman he loved more than anyone else in the world was being held by a crazed woman with a knife.

“You would take her place? You would die for her?” she exclaimed, apparently desiring the connection that they had.

“Yes,” he said, looking at Y/N and down at their unborn baby.

It wasn’t what the unsub wanted to hear. With a swift twitch of her knife, a sea of red poured from his wife’s neck. The cracking of bullets did nothing to drown out the screaming in his head. “No!” he screamed, falling to her side and putting his hand on her gushing neck.

She stared up in his eyes as the life started to drain away from her. “Save her,” she cried, looking down toward her stomach. “Please save her.” With that, Y/N closed her eyes, losing the fight to stay alive for her husband and baby.

“No!” he cracked. “No, Y/N, don’t go, please. Please come back! I need an ambulance!” The medics had been called before they’d gone to the unsub’s hideout. “Please!” he cried, turning toward the incoming medics. “Please, save my daughter.”

As Y/N was rushed to the hospital, arms limp and face nearly colorless, Spencer fell to his knees, sobbing near the puddle of blood, still warm, that had seeped from her neck.

\--------------------

“Dr. Reid,” the surgeon said quietly. His eyes puffy from crying, Spencer looked toward him, wondering if the only connection to his wife had left this world too. “Dr. Reid, you have a beautiful and healthy baby girl.”

Spencer cried out, turning to sob into JJ’s waiting shoulder. Y/N had become such a member of the family. Everyone else on the team was sitting in the waiting room in varying states of sadness and grief. “Thank god,” he breathed, every possible emotion coursing through him all at once. “Can I see her?” he asked the doctor. How would he feel seeing her? Would he feel grateful she got to live? Or would he be resentful that she lived while her mother died? Would he be able to be a single parent? He’d never once imagined he’d have to raise their baby by himself.

“Of course, you can,” the surgeon said, motioning for Spencer to follow him to the nursery. He stood up, feeling the heaviness of loss throughout his body. He turned back to his friends, silently pleading with them to stay for the time being. “We’re not going anywhere, Reid, don’t worry,” Penelope comforted, the tears staining her normally bright and cheerful face.

\--------------------

As he walked back to the nursery, Spencer played the scene over and over again in his mind. Was there anything he could’ve done differently to save Y/N’s life? Could he have said something else? Something different? Could he or anyone else have taken a shot? Was this his fault? Was his daughter going to grow up without a mother because of him? The tears that had burst forth at the crime scene had steadily flowed ever since, falling into the hands that would soon hold his baby girl.

They walked into the room and the doctor picked up a 7 pound 7 ounce baby girl. “She’s 19 inches long and was born at 9:47 this evening,” he said, placing her into Spencer’s open arms. “I don’t want to say you’re lucky, because that’s not what I mean, but she is perfectly healthy. You’ll be able to take her home tomorrow. Feel free to use the rocking chair,” he said, as he clasped Spencer on the shoulder and left the room.

She was so light. Were it not for the slight squirming she was doing in her sleep, Spencer wouldn’t have even noticed she was there. He sat down in the rocking chair, pulling her close to his chest, hoping his heartbeat was slow enough that it would be soothing for her to hear. “Hello, Faith,” he whispered, attempting as best he could to keep the tears from falling on her face. “I’m your daddy.” How was he a daddy without a mommy by his side? “I’m so sorry I couldn’t save mommy, baby girl. I’m so sorry you’ll never feel her hug you. I’m so sorry you’ll never know how much she loves...loved you. Please forgive me.”

He sat in silence, clutching her to his chest as he cried. He was so thankful she was alive, so at least that fear had been quickly assuaged, but he was still panicking inside, wondering if he would ever come to resent this beautiful little girl, and if not, how he was going to raise her all on his own.

\--------------------

After nearly falling asleep with Faith in his arms, he stood up from the rocking chair, putting her back into her bed in the nursery until morning. He wanted to see if the team was still there and if they wanted to come back to see her.

When he walked outside, he saw everyone on the team still there, sleeping on the many couches in the waiting room. “Guys,” he whispered, quickly rousing everyone from their broken sleep, “She’s healthy. She’s sleeping. Do you want to come back by the nursery?”

“Of course,” Penelope said, getting up and enveloping her friend in a tight hug. Everyone else followed suit, with Derek at the end of the line. He’d only recently had his own son, but he hadn’t hesitated to leave when he’d heard that his kid brother had lost his wife. “I’m so sorry kid,” he said, pulling him into him. “I’m so sorry.”

“I know,” Spencer replied, crying into his shoulder. “How am I supposed to do this alone?”

“Y/N may be gone, but we aren’t going anywhere,” he said. “You can do this. You won’t be alone.”

Leaving Derek’s comforting embrace, they both turned to follow the other’s to the nursery. When they got to the window, he pointed out his daughter. “Y/N and I had decided on Faith. There she is,” he cracked.

“She’s healthy and beautiful and perfect, Spencer,” JJ said, the look in her eyes hiding the extreme sadness behind them. Spencer knew that she’d miscarried a baby of her own; she wouldn’t have been able to image losing Will in such a way, leaving her pregnant and alone with three kids.

“Yea,” he said sadly. “She looks exactly like Y/N.”

They all looked into the window in silence, watching as she breathed steadily. In and out. In and out. As if her world hadn’t started in chaos. “How am I supposed to do this?” he asked the group. “I have no idea what I’m doing, which was scary enough when I knew Y/N would be there and be the amazing mother she was meant to be, but...she’s gone,” he choked, “What am I supposed to do without her?”

Hotch put his hand on Spencer’s shoulder. “You are going to fumble at the beginning. You are going to question every decision you make, but you’re going to have help.”

“Exactly,” JJ said, putting her arms around his waist. “You can call me whenever, day or night, if you have a question or you need help.” He looked around at the rest of his friends, who all nodded their heads in agreement. 

“We aren’t going to let you do this alone,” Rossi insisted. “We’re going to make sure that she grows up knowing how loved she is and how much her mother loved her.”


End file.
